TOO MUCH LOVE

There is an abundance of rain this season. The daisy, Chrysanthemum, and Pansy are drinking deeply. Mud was under my fingernails and on the cuff and knees of my pants. If I had thought I was going to do more than pulling a weed or two, I would have dressed for the occasion. About a half an hour into the weeding task; my neighbor, Calvin walked out on his front porch.

Farmer Curtis, do you like playing in the dirt?

Man, I did know I had so many flowers sleeping in this dirt; they are beautiful.

Let me put on some shoes on and I‘ll join you. I made a pot of coffee, want a cup.

Yeah, I said, one sugar.

When Calvin got back, I was in the garage looking for yard waste bags. Look under that pile Calvin and see if any bags are under there.

Here’s a couple, he shouted.

I pick up a digging tool and some gloves. The coffee smelled good, so I set the things down and grabbed the mug and lean on the trunk of the car.

I haven’t seen Beri in almost a month, I said. Is she traveling?

No, she left me.

What!       Why?

Well, the reasons she gave are confusing. It has taken me some time to understand. Her leaving hit me hard. I just got to the place where I can talk about it.

You two have been together three years. Couldn’t you work it out?

That is what I asked her. Whatever happened to trying to mend things that are broken? All Beri would say is she had done all she can to see things my way, but she has given up trying. She was leaving because I love her too much. Can you believe that? She left me because I loved her too much.

That is hard to understand Calvin. What did she mean by trying to see things your way?

You know our situation Rev., I was ready to marry her, but she was not ready. When she first moved in, we were going to save our money to buy a bigger house and have a wedding in Cancun. A year ago, she thought she was pregnant. Two months later, she said it was a false alarm. After that, she started talking about getting her own place.

Why, did she say that?

She said she needed some space and time to think. At first, I thought it was another man, but that was not the problem. She would not talk to me without snapping at me. Sometimes I snapped back. She would put pillows between us in bed. I started sleeping in the other bedroom.

You two seem like you would have been a good family. Why didn’t you and she come and talk to me?

What was I going to say to you, Rev.? Would you have helped me and Beri to stay together?

No, I would not have helped you and her to remain roommates. But, I would have helped you and her to understand the kind of commitment to the relationship that would weather the stresses of marriage. The kind of commitment that is necessary to wed, to build a home, and to raise a family. I would help you and Beri to find what is important in your spirits. What other commitments are important to her; besides marriage? It takes more than a Cancun wedding and a big house to make it through the long termed commitments of marriage successfully.

Where is she?

She got a promotion and moved to Arlington, Virginia. She took her clothes and said I could keep the rest. She left me. Now I’m sitting in that house, hurting. For all her explaining, I still don’t understand how you can leave someone because they loved you too much.[1]

Well, Calvin, some people leave when they realize that it is more painful to stay.

 

 

 

 

 

[1] Mykal Kilgore https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OGX3LehE1s

PUSH / PULL

Writing is a push/pull task for me.. The push/pull comes when I read a well crafted article or a thought or issue begs for my opinion. Should I say something about the way my heart and head struggle with supporting Bernie or Hillary? Maybe I need to give my opinion on Kendrick Lamar’s Grammys performance or Beyonce’s Super Bowl show.

Sometimes it is good to sit back with my feet up and snooze through the urge.

music nots

Look out, here comes the push/pull.Should I write a word or two about Kendrick Lamar and Beyonce?  No, that is a long line to join and I am already weary of that news. Whether these entertainers were trying to raise my fear or anger, sleep is ruling this mind. Let Beyonce and Kendrick give sizable donations to organizations that are fighting to change this culture of police brutality and African American disenfranchisement. Let them adopt schools in low income communities and affect a change because of their involvement. Then, I will take my feet down, open my eyes, and be more than entertained.

Political Race

What should I write about Clinton and Sanders, and Trump and Cruz? Well, the push/pull here is greater. The primary is the 1 March in my state. My mailbox is groaning under the weight of the political junk mail and my email box is peppered with campaign requests for money. Bernie is telling me how much better my life will be if I vote for him. Hillary on the other hand is trying to become an Obama clone. Bernie and Hillary are so serious that for the lighter side of politics, one has to tune-in to the Republican candidates to find humor. Trump and Cruz are mean and nasty. The titles are reversible. My question to the Republican party, with all your money is this the best you can do? Do you seriously think that independent voters are going to cross over for these clowns?

It was nice to read about the Secret Service agent Oliver Grant playing Tchaikovsky – Piano Concerto 1, doing a break in South Carolina.

Wait, Agent Grant is on to something. I think I will close down the computer and listen to Yo-Yo Ma & Bobby McFerrin perform – Ave Maria.

Bye y’all!