These Modern Conveniences

Our lives are full of time-saving products and appliances, all the joys of modern conveniences. These modern conveniences have a dark side.

You are invited to an excursion through my kitchen. Counter top space is a premium. Toaster oven, microwave, grill, waffle iron, blender, juicer, can opener, and coffee maker have hogged up so much space that much of the food preparation is done on the dining table. Each appliance is dressed in either black or stainless steel. The lights are bright, soft, and alluring. As light reflects off each piece of modern convenience, a subliminally created urge says, “use me”, tugs at me from each product. These modern conveniences are dragging me into the dark and the gluttonous world of calorie rich food, gout, high blood pressure, and diabetes.

Woe to anyone who is lured into the evil lairs of these time-saving, products, and appliances. You will be subjugated soon enough with all their modern inconveniences.

From the pantry came a wail, when I open the door a large bag of extra butter, salty-sweet popcorn dashed for the microwave. Within two minutes, I was munching on 1700 calorie of greasy finger–licking fatness.

Not to be outdone, the ice maker tossed some cubes around to remind me that on the floor of the pantry was five supersized bottles of soft drink. Each was wearing one of my favorite colors.  Conveniently, I filled my 32-ounce tumbler with ice without opening the refrigerator. Happily, I poured half the bottle of grape drink into the tumbler and swallowed enough carbonated sugar to drown the salt of the popcorn.

As I tried to exit the kitchen, the George Foreman grill hummed a tune about how I could have a 1/3 of pound hamburger in two minutes. Georgie lied; it took three minutes.

By now, I was tired out by preparing all the items pushed on me by the modern conveniences in my kitchen. Lumbering into the living room, first, my shoes came off, then I drop to the couch and pressed the TV remote. Prodded by the rumbling in my stomach I unbuckled my belt and clearly heard my belly say, “these modern conveniences are killing me.”

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